I pick up my son up from college this week to bring him home for the summer...can't wait for him to be home for 3 months! We have missed him and have managed to see him several times during his first year away. I made it through the first year of empty-nest...Better than I had hoped.
I realize I have a new normal - one where our son is not living under our roof - which I think is great progress in such a short time.
But a funny thing happened during the year to help me along. I had a true revelation right after the holidays.
I wanted a better way than texts and phone calls to stay in touch with my son. A subtle way. So, even though I didn’t know if he would play, I challenged him to a 'Words With Friends’ (iPhone app) competition scrabble game. A few days went by with no response, and I thought "Nah, he’s too busy; he doesn’t want to play; he’s distancing himself; he’s separating…it’s ok...(sigh)."
Then…a hit!! And he accepted. The game began.
It was a great game - one of my best. (I’m getting a little better at it :)). You can chat on WWF, and I tentatively sent him a short ‘good one!’ after he scored a bunch of points, and he responded.
Then I created a high-point word, and he chatted that he was still going to beat me…ah, ha!!! The competition was on! After I created a particularly good 54 point word, he chatted back ‘uh, maybe I won’t win!’
It was great fun.
Sometimes days would go by before he’d play his turn. Sometimes at least 1 WHOLE day would go by before before I’d play mine, lol! I’d get his word late at night, sometimes in the morning…sometimes in the middle of the night (we are in the same time-zone so that told me a lot about when he went to bed!). So even if we hadn’t skyped or texted for days, it was so nice to be ‘in touch.’ And though I ‘know’ he’s ok, this is just a little bit of confirmation that he is there. It was fun way of knowing he’s fine and giving him TONS of space.
I didn’t even think about missing him.
Except….
I wasn’t playing with my son…not my son! I was playing with ‘golfer72’ – my son’s WWF id is ‘golferking72’ – slight error on my part! Who was I playing with? Good lord...
Wait…I had created my own reality all this time…MY OWN REALITY!!!
From thinking he didn't want to play, all the way to having a great game with him...in my own mind! It was a beautiful thing. It was funny. I laughed…my husband laughed…my son laughed. And it was SHOCKING. THE best example I can give anyone about how we create our own truth, our own reality, our own life. I know this to my core now.
And yes, my son truly was ok the whole time. And now I know it even if we aren’t playing WWF’s!
By the way, golfer72 asked for a rematch. I declined ;) .
********* My dear friend, Lin Eleoff, aka The Worst Mother, drew the following picture for me in honor of my newsletter launch – her rendition of the blog post you just read. I think she caught it perfectly. I love her. And she’s freakin’ brilliantly hilarious. Don’t miss her weekly wisdom at www.theworstmother.com. Thank you, Lin! xoxo
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