Do I have to?

I woke up one day last week feeling horrible.  I was aching in my hands, my feet, I could almost feel the skin across my rib cage throbbing with an achy inflammation, and my sacrum was in a knot. Was it something I ate, was it ‘punishment’ for having recently talked about my body feeling so much better?  Was it because I bragged that I would occasionally have a night without good sleep rather than occasionally having a night with good sleep?  

As I sat with my morning tea, I thought “I should listen…do my soul work.”  But I didn’t really feel like it.  In fact, I hadn’t done it for a few days because…well…when things are going great, I don’t feel a great desire to dig deep…or listen to my soul…or to even be quiet enough to find out if things are o.k.  Why bother?  Everything’s good!

Until it’s not.

For so much of my life, I’ve ignored my body.  I have ignored pain and discomfort, but most importantly, I ignored being tired, fatigue…exhaustion.  Always pushing through…always getting the next thing done…always being ‘busy.’ 

Then, a funny thing happened when I entered empty-nest. I could no longer ignore my body.  It was going to have its say.

First, I injured my knee.  All my plans to do so many things with my son before he went to college went right out the window.  All I could do was 'be.'  A beautiful gift, in retrospect, to be with him instead of all that doing.  While healing from that, back pain showed up, then reflux.  Then exhaustion, loss of libido, feeling sadness and grief about entering empty nest - actually trying to reject those feelings because they seemed so wrong when I was so excited for my son.  Quality of sleep?  None.

Then I started doing the work of Mind/Body Coach training.  I’ve believed in the mind/body connection for years, and I was excited to learn the tools to link my mind, body, and soul so they would communicate.  What happened first was ‘the mess,’ as our mentor and teacher, Abigail Steidley, calls it.  As we students started getting familiar with our bodies and listening to our inner wisdom, all hell broke loose for all of us.  For me?  Pain - getting worse, not better!  Losing my voice.  Colds.  Crying, what seemed like ALL.THE.TIME.

Then slowly, while learning and using the tools and understanding the Mind/Body process, the fog and the pain and the sadness/grief started to lift.  I kept exercising, got massages, a new mattress, started paying close attention to my intuition around food, fun, pleasure.  I started resting more...feeling my feelings more…playing more.

Relief!  It was delicious to honor my intuition and my soul messages, living in a more grounded and effortless way.  Life was good.  Sleeping…no exhaustion…no pain.  And this work and it’s results reverberate throughout every aspect of your life.  It was a keeper.

So I knew I needed to check in.  What the heck was going on? This is what I heard…

Rest.  Delicious, real food.  No protein shakes.  Gather evidence (tracking what happens when I follow my inner guidance).  Passion, Fun, Love.  Exercise. Of course.  When I listen, my inner wisdom is consistent, with a few surprises thrown in, here and there.

So…Do I have to?

I may not ‘feel like’ doing this work some days, and that’s ok.  But as a consistent part of my life, my choice is clear for me.  I listen and follow my inner wisdom and stay strong, stay rested, stay nourished, maintain healthy blood sugar levels, and follow my bliss.

It doesn’t get better than that.

A Rocky Love Affair

Evolution....  Little girl self-love… Wishing for boobs, stuffing bra with Kleenex before church (getting caught!) Thinking calves too skinny, doing exercises to build them up Sneaking on eye makeup (getting caught!) Crushes on boys, imagining kissing So eager to be a teenager Comparing, despairing

Teenage self-love… Wishing for boobs :) Hating my stomach, dieting at 13 Permanently learned the calorie count for every item of food in existence Bikinis, Mini-skirts, Hot-pants So eager to be an adult Comparing, despairing

Adult self-love… Wishing I could lose 3 pounds (THREE!!!) before wedding Stomach not flat enough Resigned to my boobs – no - starting to actually like Cellulite! Watching the years pile on my body, wishing I was younger (already) Comparing, despairing

Pregnant self-love Boobs! OMG – loving my stomach! Eating for two, mindfully Did I mention cleavage?! In.My.Body In awe…no compare, no despair

Wife/Mom self-love Gain weight Lose weight Repeat Love with the lights off Wishing I was younger Comparing, despairing

Older Woman self-love Still a wife, still a mom Healthy food, moderate exercise Thankful…for my loyal body, softer, rounder…comfortably sexy Love in daylight Comparing to the me 10 years from now … appreciating what is No despair

Grateful, joyous, loving, abandon

...Loved

King-sized Fear

My husband and I went to see The King’s Speech yesterday, starring Colin Firth.  It’s about King George VI becoming King of England when his brother abdicated the throne to marry an American divorcee.  He had a major obstacle to overcome before he could be effective…or accepted...in leading the nation and people he loved through war.  It was a fabulous movie and exactly the movie I needed to see in order to write this post. You see, last week I decided I was going to do an interview series based on people over-coming their fears.  I’ve lined up several amazing people who are willing to talk to me about this topic and how it changed their lives...

...And I'm afraid I won't be able to pull it off.

I love hearing about others’ lives and how they navigate them, but I don’t know how to interview!  How do I create questions beforehand?  How do I get the person to open up and really spill the beans?  How do I present it to my readers?  All these questions and fears about the process and delivery of said process…But that’s what this series is about – navigating through the fear - authentically - and it's important.

Often, we see successful people doing successful things and our minds tell us it must have been easy for them.  But is that true?  Especially in this era of social media, we usually show our best face, put our best foot forward, hide our weakness, hide the process of growth required to be successful - as we define success.

King George the VI had a terrible stammering problem…FROZEN with fear.  How familiar is that – other words to describe it? …stuck, overwhelmed, not ready.  Yet the process King George goes through to correct this problem – has to go through to lead a nation at war – does not include the elimination of fear, but acknowledging it, revisiting it, relying on supportive people, getting wise counsel, laughing at it, getting angry at it, and, especially (and especially funny) cussing at it!

And that’s what my interview series will be about.  We are going to hear the stories of some pretty courageous people - ordinarily courageous – super-heroes in a quiet and powerful way.  They show the heart of fear and courage, the steps one takes to get to the other side of fear - learning to make fear, if not an outright friend, at least a tolerable acquaintance.  Because we all know it will visit us again and again in this lifetime.

And even though most of us are not leading nations, we are leading our lives.

Stay tuned and join me for my first interview – in whatever format it is shared – as I talk to Sarah Bamford Seidelman, Life Coach, about her journey from respected Successful Practicing Physician to major woo-woo Queen of Animal Totems, Squirrel Radio.  It’s bound to be an enlightening, admirable, courageous and normal story of a modern-day hero.

How did you get to your hero status?  What fears did you stare down?  What is it like on the other side?  I’d love to hear from you.  Please leave your comments below or email me here.