I thought about not posting this…in fact, wrote it a week ago and thought "too close to home…same old stuff" – then I read Laurie Foley’s Blog, and I thought, ok. Suck it up. Be you. So here's the updated version. Our home seems a lot emptier. I totally miss seeing my son’s smiling (or tired!) face every day. I don’t cook as much :( . I don’t get to grocery shop as much (one of my favorite things…really!). No kids playing pool or poker on weekend nights. I miss my position as mom. Being a mom really was my calling, my purpose, my passion (surprised me!). Will I ever have that kind of enthusiastic, sustainable passion about a calling again?
All of that is true, yes. However, I’m handling this empty nest far better than I expected. Here’s why…
- Prep, prep, and more prep (really…I’ve been prepping for this for 4 years while staying present on the journey.) One of the best things I did was to attend Coach Eve Giovenco’s tele-class, ‘Empty Nest,’ and also get individual coaching from her. That made a huge difference in my letting go gracefully and less painfully.
- Phone call, first week, from Evan - relaying all the ‘amazing’ things he’s doing. Skyping him from our family room on big screen TV. Trip down there this last weekend to deliver his bike and the ‘really needed’ xbox. All the hugging I got to do in person…after all, I hadn’t seen him in two whole weeks!
- Tim and I are experiencing ourselves as a couple again, and it’s been feeling very sweet, very loving (whew!).
- The bathroom with a bathtub is all mine now (mwah, ha, ha!) Of our two bathrooms, the ‘Evan/Guest’ bath was a room most often not as clean as I would like – well, he is a teenage boy (excuse the generalization). Now? It’s a sanctuary…clean, neat, with a bunch of remote control candles (yes! remote control!)…several ON THE TUB. And I take baths whenever I feel like it without even having to clean first!
- Less housework…less laundry…lower food bills…lower electric bills…lower WATER bills (lol), and NO ARGUING about chores (well, because my husband and I now do them…any suggestions on how to enlist the dog’s help?).
There was one big glitch.
The day I cleaned Evan’s room, stripping the bed, clearing the chaos of his moving endeavor, I felt … Empty. Missing. Loving. I thought, “feel the feelings” – so I sat with them…and cried. Just watched the thoughts, honoring them, working them through - some were ridiculous sounding even as I thought them, as in “I’m useless now” - ?? - geeesh!
Reality? I can be ok with missing him terribly (and I do, some days more than others) he’s safe, he’s having fun, he’s being challenged (oh baby…the homework!) ‘Mom, it’s not like highschool. I can’t just put any answer down and expect a good grade!’ hmmm…
And my life is moving forward...definitely evolving. Oh yeah, and I’m working on my website with the fabulous Nona Jordan! How exciting is that!!! (Look for the debut – end of month!)
‘Til next time. (And thanks, Laurie Foley)