A Rocky Love Affair

Evolution....  Little girl self-love… Wishing for boobs, stuffing bra with Kleenex before church (getting caught!) Thinking calves too skinny, doing exercises to build them up Sneaking on eye makeup (getting caught!) Crushes on boys, imagining kissing So eager to be a teenager Comparing, despairing

Teenage self-love… Wishing for boobs :) Hating my stomach, dieting at 13 Permanently learned the calorie count for every item of food in existence Bikinis, Mini-skirts, Hot-pants So eager to be an adult Comparing, despairing

Adult self-love… Wishing I could lose 3 pounds (THREE!!!) before wedding Stomach not flat enough Resigned to my boobs – no - starting to actually like Cellulite! Watching the years pile on my body, wishing I was younger (already) Comparing, despairing

Pregnant self-love Boobs! OMG – loving my stomach! Eating for two, mindfully Did I mention cleavage?! In.My.Body In awe…no compare, no despair

Wife/Mom self-love Gain weight Lose weight Repeat Love with the lights off Wishing I was younger Comparing, despairing

Older Woman self-love Still a wife, still a mom Healthy food, moderate exercise Thankful…for my loyal body, softer, rounder…comfortably sexy Love in daylight Comparing to the me 10 years from now … appreciating what is No despair

Grateful, joyous, loving, abandon

...Loved

King-sized Fear

My husband and I went to see The King’s Speech yesterday, starring Colin Firth.  It’s about King George VI becoming King of England when his brother abdicated the throne to marry an American divorcee.  He had a major obstacle to overcome before he could be effective…or accepted...in leading the nation and people he loved through war.  It was a fabulous movie and exactly the movie I needed to see in order to write this post. You see, last week I decided I was going to do an interview series based on people over-coming their fears.  I’ve lined up several amazing people who are willing to talk to me about this topic and how it changed their lives...

...And I'm afraid I won't be able to pull it off.

I love hearing about others’ lives and how they navigate them, but I don’t know how to interview!  How do I create questions beforehand?  How do I get the person to open up and really spill the beans?  How do I present it to my readers?  All these questions and fears about the process and delivery of said process…But that’s what this series is about – navigating through the fear - authentically - and it's important.

Often, we see successful people doing successful things and our minds tell us it must have been easy for them.  But is that true?  Especially in this era of social media, we usually show our best face, put our best foot forward, hide our weakness, hide the process of growth required to be successful - as we define success.

King George the VI had a terrible stammering problem…FROZEN with fear.  How familiar is that – other words to describe it? …stuck, overwhelmed, not ready.  Yet the process King George goes through to correct this problem – has to go through to lead a nation at war – does not include the elimination of fear, but acknowledging it, revisiting it, relying on supportive people, getting wise counsel, laughing at it, getting angry at it, and, especially (and especially funny) cussing at it!

And that’s what my interview series will be about.  We are going to hear the stories of some pretty courageous people - ordinarily courageous – super-heroes in a quiet and powerful way.  They show the heart of fear and courage, the steps one takes to get to the other side of fear - learning to make fear, if not an outright friend, at least a tolerable acquaintance.  Because we all know it will visit us again and again in this lifetime.

And even though most of us are not leading nations, we are leading our lives.

Stay tuned and join me for my first interview – in whatever format it is shared – as I talk to Sarah Bamford Seidelman, Life Coach, about her journey from respected Successful Practicing Physician to major woo-woo Queen of Animal Totems, Squirrel Radio.  It’s bound to be an enlightening, admirable, courageous and normal story of a modern-day hero.

How did you get to your hero status?  What fears did you stare down?  What is it like on the other side?  I’d love to hear from you.  Please leave your comments below or email me here.

Now What?

We dropped our son off at CalPoly yesterday.  Ok, let’s reword that…We did NOT drop him off - we moved him in.  Started around 9:30, left at 4…not quite a drop off! We had read we should just drop him off, unpack, let him sort out his room.  Instead, I asked our son what he would like.  “Do you want us to help unpack?”  “Do you want me to put your clothes away?”  and “I really want to make your bed for you, is that ok?”

Once he and his roommate figured out the layout of the room, getting creative because of, yes, the lack of electrical outlets, we got busy ‘setting him up.’

The 3 of us unpacked, put things away, organized drawers, decided where lamps went, took out snacks, stored things under the bed.  His dad helped him set up the computer.

And I made the bed…made it as comfy as possible with a mattress topper (oh, those ugly navy blue vinyl mattresses), fluffy mattress pad, new cotton knit sheets, soft comforter.

Making his bed was important to me, above and beyond the rest - it had to do with his comfort, and how well he would sleep (which makes me laugh knowing he will probably be up all night and only getting very few hours of sleep…but those hours will be comfortable and warm and cozy – like home!)

And as I wandered the dorm, passed other rooms, talked to other parents, watched his roommate’s mom, I noticed making the bed seemed to be an important task to every other mom on the floor.

Important to bring an intimate ‘piece’ of home for our boys, trying to replicate a bit of the place where we had read to them, sang to them, stroked their hair, cuddled them, often gently waking them up to get ready for school as they got older, and even recently, where we still had some of the best conversations at the end of the day, or the middle of the night when we got up to go to the bathroom and noticed their light still on in their rooms.

… It was the best day.  Six hours went by quickly.  We were done.  It was time to go.  Our son asked us to close his dorm room door so we could have some privacy.

He hugged us both so tightly and told us how much he will miss us.  How different this will be.  How excited he was about being there.  How nice his room looked.  How comfy the bed looked :).  And how he liked being sandwiched between 2 floors of all girls :) !  He said how much he loved us.  He got tears in his eyes.  We all did.

But I did not get the ugly face (I did that yesterday in the privacy of our own home, telling him how excited I was for him, how big a piece of my heart he has, and how I will miss him.)

He put drops in his eyes, and he walked us to our car for one last hug - “this feels like it happened all of a sudden,” he said.

Yes.  Suddenly after 18 years.  Then here he is, a man, on his own, excited (and maybe a teeny bit nervous.)

With much love and pride, we watched him go back across the street and up the stairs.  We looked at each other, smiled, sighed, and left the CalPoly campus.

3 hour-drive, on to the next chapter, talking with each other almost the whole way, and not at all totally about our son.  Got Chipotle takeout and came home...to a slightly emptier space.

Now what?  I’m not totally sure.

But I do, with certainty, know that we are all ok.