It’s Better to Give than What?

It’s Better to Give than What?

Caring for family…
Friend in trouble…
Client in need…
Spouse over-worked…
Child wants help with homework…
Another Mom can’t do carpool…

There we are, the “I’ll-be-there-for-you” women…super-hero giver, offering comfort, advice, support, food…no matter what we are in the middle of, no matter if we, ourselves, are in need….no matter what.

Does this describe you?

You believe it’s better to give than to receive.

You feel great satisfaction in being selfless.

You like to show your love by giving to others.

You get secret comfort from being in control.

You think people will like you.

You have a hard time asking for what you need…for what you want.

This has certainly has been me.  For most of my life.

Consider this…by receiving, you give much

A year ago I had a physical injury – and it brought me to a standstill…enforced stillness.  I couldn’t exercise, I couldn’t clean the house, I could not bend my knee…difficulty walking, difficulty standing for long periods, difficulty sleeping without pain unless I was very still.  Some days, I couldn’t even drive.  I couldn’t do all the things I had planned to help my son prepare for his move to college – his freshman year! 

I could barely tolerate the mere thought of letting my family do everything that I normally do.

But they were eager.  EAGER to be able to give to me in the way I always gave to them.  EAGER to be able to take care of me for a change – to show, in a different than the usual way, their love for me – their ability to care for and nurture and support me, physically and emotionally.

And that’s when it became crystal clear…

One of the biggest gifts I could give them, and myself, was to let them do this and accept it graciously and with much love.  When I received from them the kind of caring that I am usually the master of, it let them see a side of themselves they liked.  It showed them they are capable of nurturing and supporting in the most basic, physical sense, and it added to their power-base of human-ness.  And it helped me heal in a profound way…many ways.

My ability, reluctantly at first, to receive turned into a gift of love and caring – without any action on my part – for both myself and my family.

The ability to receive can be one of the most loving gifts you can give.  I’m not perfect at it yet.  Far from.  But it’s getting easier.

Try it, with sensitivity that it’s a new way of being for you, and it may take a little while for you and those who love you to get comfortable with it.

Now…about being able to ask…working on that!  😉

A Rocky Love Affair


Little girl self-love…
Wishing for boobs, stuffing bra with Kleenex before church (getting caught!)
Thinking calves too skinny, doing exercises to build them up
Sneaking on eye makeup (getting caught!)
Crushes on boys, imagining kissing
So eager to be a teenager
Comparing, despairing

Teenage self-love…
Wishing for boobs 🙂
Hating my stomach, dieting at 13
Permanently learned the calorie count for every item of food in existence
Bikinis, Mini-skirts, Hot-pants
So eager to be an adult
Comparing, despairing

Adult self-love…
Wishing I could lose 3 pounds (THREE!!!) before wedding
Stomach not flat enough
Resigned to my boobs – no – starting to actually like
Watching the years pile on my body, wishing I was younger (already)
Comparing, despairing

Pregnant self-love
OMG – loving my stomach!
Eating for two, mindfully
Did I mention cleavage?!
In awe…no compare, no despair

Wife/Mom self-love
Gain weight
Lose weight
Love with the lights off
Wishing I was younger
Comparing, despairing

Older Woman self-love
Still a wife, still a mom
Healthy food, moderate exercise
Thankful…for my loyal body, softer, rounder…comfortably sexy
Love in daylight
Comparing to the me 10 years from now … appreciating what is
No despair

Grateful, joyous, loving, abandon